Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me?

Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me?

I can choose to love the way I want to!

From a very young age in homes all across the world children are taught who and how to love.  Growing up with my mother and stepfather I learned through their interaction that a man slapping his woman on her backside as she sashay pass him signified his attraction to her.  In that same household I observed that silence is not always an indication of peace.  Watching the parents of my friends I discovered that yelling and screaming, backed up by shouts of “I hate you and get out of my house”, did not always lead to a breakup or divorce.  It was “just how they are”, and an ingredient in the cake of love.

In some households young women are groomed to take care of the house by cleaning, cooking and sewing (even in this day and age) in hopes of landing a suitable mate.  Meanwhile their male counterparts are learning a trade in order to provide for an imaginary future family.  Subtly as children we are taught to seduce, entice and lure a significant other for the preservation of the previous generations concept of marriage, family and happiness.

In some countries such as Africa and India suitors are presented to children before schooling, grooming or playing with imaginary friends has taken place.  Marriages are arranged, dowries are paid and here in the United States inheritances are like marriage licenses. 

What is not asked of children is their opinion or input.  It does not matter that one day they will have to live with the choices set forth and planned by parents who themselves have either married for money and only received love or vice versa.  Parents and loved ones fail to realize that when they pass down their relationship habits that we also inherit the bad along with the good.  Along with the house we inherit abuse (emotional, financial, physical, sexual, dug and alcohol), insecurity and co dependency issues.

Is it no wonder that men and women “suddenly” discover that they are bi or homosexual.  There was never a chance that these people could have voiced the fact that they did not want to marry nor have children.  Just think about the people who know they don’t want to be parents and have children to please their own parent or a spouse.  Had they been allowed to speak their peace we would possibly have a world with fewer unwanted and abandoned children.  I am curious to know if children were allowed to feel and not simply follow how more beneficial would their lives and personal relationships become.

I have friends who are happily married with no children (and don’t want any) living estranged from their families because of their decision.  I know single mothers who are fortunate and blessed but have no husbands and are frowned upon.  But isn’t our individual happiness most important, that in first knowing and loving ourselves we can fully love another?

So why is our individuality stifled in childhood to conform to society and tradition only to be used as a weapon against us in adulthood?

In my thirties I now know without a shadow of a doubt that I can live with and love anyone I want regardless of age, race, religion, economic status or gender.  But why didn’t anyone tell me sooner?